AlyssaV

and it was very, very good. in fact, it was delicious.

I am in love, which is something I thought I’d never attain. like many screwed-up women who come from dysfunctional families, I had low self-esteem and thought no one would ever want me. then my confidence grew as I grew, to the point that I thought I would never want anyone else. I couldn’t imagine spending my whole life with one person. I revelled in the freedom of singleness. and, as another result of my dysfunctional family, I didn’t see marriage as desirable. my parents never seemed happy, even after 25 years of marriage and five children they are still trying to figure out what they want (and it’s not each other, it seems). why would I put myself through that?

meeting albano shocked me. neither of us expected or wanted a serious relationship when we met, but while the insane sexual chemistry kicked our asses, our instant emotional and mental connection is what made it stick. he is my best friend. we are so similar in so many ways. we have so many desires and appetites in common. we get each others’ senses of humour, which surprised both of us, since others usually find us eccentric and bizarre. most importantly, we share the same core values and have the same goals for our lives. we’ve both already confirmed to each other that we want to be together for the long haul, until one of us dies.

so why not get married?

hmm, why not indeed? I would love nothing more than to have a big, sassy wedding to celebrate our love and show the world that we’re together. but, as university students living below poverty level, neither of us has extra cash lying around to procure a marriage license, much less pay for a wedding. it would be ridiculous. and we don’t exactly have the time, either. we both want to finish school and pay off some debt before we’re legally bound to each other. neither of us sees a huge rush right now… we are living together, but don’t necessarily want to fund a ceremony or huge social gig till we can both comfortably afford the time and money.

so we live together, without being married, and we’re having sex.

to be honest it didn’t occur to me to even think about waiting till marriage to have sex. you can see PMS episodes #1 through #4 for the reasons why. and besides, I’ve got to say, I’m a little confused… what does “marriage” mean exactly? when we say “sex before marriage” are we referring to the days-long wedding bashes that happened in Jesus’ day, with tons of feasting and celebrating and drinking? if so, how come no one does that? or do we mean Catholic-style marriages (and if so, at what point did wedding parties like the one Jesus went to at Cana turn into the dull ceremonies of the RC church? who made that change?)?

or is it sufficient to just go to city hall, then have a kegger in the backyard? is city hall even necessary? did God write Canadian law books, too? or can we just have the kegger and announce to everyone that we’re totally committed?

the thing is, paternity plays a smaller role in life these days. in modern times, men are more likely to make their own fortune rather than having it handed down, if they happen to be a firstborn son. a person’s number of children no longer dictates their virility or their favour with the gods, nor does it make or break the success of the family farm. women can now easily and independently support themselves for their whole lives, without ever marrying, having children or having to become a prostitute. if a woman has sex before marriage, she is just as likely to be married as her virgin sisters, and she’ll probably be allowed to choose her own spouse these days, too. marriage is no longer a financial transaction, a political move or a necessary act of survival. if a woman has a baby out of wedlock, she won’t be stoned to death or shamed forever by her village. and if she is raped, she won’t be punished (but her attacker will). a woman’s virginity has ceased to become a huge issue, and marriage has become just one of many socially acceptable ways to legitimize a relationship. man, things have changed since Israel in 30 c.e.!!!

I guess in the past, having a giant shindig was a good way to show everyone that this man ‘owned’ this woman (and her future spawn), and they probably wouldn’t forget it after feasting and partying for days. the whole village would know because of the huge ceremony that had taken place. now, we have this nifty new mode of communication called the internet which makes communication all the more efficient. so I might as well do that here… Albano and I are committed. mind, body, soul.

thank God and Al Gore for the internet!

anyways, one way that we celebrate our commitment is through sex.

I do admit that I have achieved a new depth of sexual enjoyment. it’s so sweet and healing to look up into the eyes of someone you adore, who cares about you. it becomes more than an exciting expulsion of fluids — it’s that, with this added intensity, with this satisfaction knowing you are joined with the one you love, and bringing him pleasure, and knowing that he loves you and loves bringing you pleasure. I know these things. and guess what? omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God knows them, too. He’s seen what we went through, He knows how we feel, and I’d be willing to bet He’s satisfied. if He tells me otherwise, I’ll change accordingly.